Together, alone

I've been contemplating something recently. Quite a lot actually. I have been thinking about the creative ventures that I am drawn to, and the solitary nature of each. Drawing and writing, for example, are very solitary pastimes, and yet I am not a solitary person.

Sometimes I feel that if I could just have the right person or persons to come and sit with me and "keep me company" while I "do things" it would be quite all right. It sounds a bit selfish and even childish when I say it out loud like this. I mean, no one is going to come and watch me work, and then pat me on the head and say "well done" after I pen a paragraph. Life just doesn't work that way. When my boyfriend and I finally get to see each other after a long day of work, we don't necessarily want to spend it not talking as we try together to write our versions of the great american novel. No. I think I have to go it alone, at least, for the most part. I have to "man up," as it were, and try to pursue my dream and take time to devote to these solitary art forms. I don't mean to say that if a good option for writing with people came up, that didn't digress into more talking than writing, that I would turn it down, because I wouldn't. (By the way, if anyone knows of such a utopian atmosphere please let me know.)

I can certainly understand why some of the greatest writing geniuses I have ever heard of, also had a propensity for drinking or depression or both. The enforced alone time sort of lends itself to that state. However, surely it can be done with out those ends. Many have, many do; and I intend to make myself be disciplined and productive at my craft, and hopefully cheerful at the same time.

It is very strange, too, that sometimes in my life, I have read books for many reasons, but among those have been to stave off feelings of loneliness. It is interesting to think that those same books that I have gone to for comfort of that kind, were at one time originated by some man or woman, probably alone with a pen or typewriter or computer or nowadays a hand-held device like I am using right now.

Maybe knowing that helps. Maybe that is what makes the loneliness better or more bearable.

Maybe the end product that will allow us (writers) to commune with our reader, and allow us fellowship in a larger cannon of the written word makes all of those lone nights or singular coffees or postponed conversations worthwhile.

"I wish I was a messenger, and all the news was good."

Sometimes it can't all be though. As hard as you try for it to be, its just not. So you fall on your face (either figuratively or literally) and you pray and pray and pray for change.

I remember a sermon that I heard when I was twelve. It was about Elim and Mara. Elim was described as those mountain top experiences where all things are well, and all's right with the world. And then Mara is something all together different. Mara means desert. A dry period. In the past few weeks life has been very Mara for me, illness, money problems, stress, friends under stress, etc...But there is something I have noticed. When I have trouble, I begin praying, I begin depending on the One Person I can depend on without fail instead of trying to do everything myself. And then the fog begins to lift. Its happening now, I can feel it. I also look at beauty in the things He has created, in art and in nature worthwhile beautiful things, and I begin to feel peace. Slowly, one step at a time I begin to climb the mountain again. Maybe this time when I am on the mountain again, I will remember to be grateful.

Whoo-ah

I can't believe that so much time has past. Over 6 months have flown by since my last post, and so much has happened! I have finished my graduate school work (at last) and with that, my first book! I am also to get one of my essays published in a magazine soon. I will let you know more when it comes out officially. With all this change for me, being free of grad school and what-not, the immortal words of Guns 'n Roses seem to come to mind, indeed: "where do we go now?"

This question of what my plans are, has been asked a lot of me lately, as I guess you can only bask in the glow of your accomplishments so long before someone brings it up. I wish that I had an answer that will wow everyone immediately, instead of stuttering and saying, "Uh...work?"

But I do have a few plans--

First, I am grateful to the gods of inspiration (little "g") and also God (big G) to say that I have a couple of book ideas simmering in my cranium at the moment as soon as I can get some serious "butt in the chair" time as one of my writing professors was so fond of saying.

And I may try to teach a class or two. Perhaps this fall. To subsidize my current job and start paying back the government for my wonderful education (whoo-ah!). I just have to make my vita up-to-date and snappy looking. (By the way, if anyone has a vita or CV that they are particularly proud of, that I could look at as a sample, let me know.

Also, I plan to draw again. Maybe classes, maybe just in my free time, but I plan to draw. I am sewing too. I have started making an outfit without at pattern and I think that for my first stab at fashion design is kind of cool. I don't know that I will wear it anywhere, but we will see.

I am also planning to do a Bible study this summer with my friend that I am very excited about on the book of 1 John. :)

I also plan to spend as much time with my wonderful man as possible now that I am done with school, when our work schedules calm down a bit, if they ever will. But I am happy to say that we have been together for almost 4 years now, and we will be celebrating his birthday tonight! i know that this post has been about bringing things up to speed, but hopefully very soon I will begin to post more and again regale you with entertaining tales of "What the hell is up with Jenny."

The Holiday in Film and Music Pt. 1

In an attempt to get in the Holiday spirit a couple of days ago, I bought a copy of a classic holiday film aptly titled: Holiday Inn. Over the years, I have striven to collect various holiday Christmas flicks to help with the holiday spirit. Christmas spirit is usually a little slow for me. It doesn't usually start until after the decorations go up at work. I have bought a tree for this year, which has not gone up yet.

I watched Holiday Inn last night, and while it was enjoyable as always, because it shows multiple holidays of all times of the year, it helped with Christmas spirit only marginally.

I think in watching holiday films, i am attempting to recapture a simpler time and one of happiness during the season instead of the confusion and angst of my adult and adolescent years, because of the holiday never quite living up to my expectation.

I know that a great deal of these problems would be solved for me to shift my focus on to the actual reason of Christmas,the birth of Christ. I plan to do this, this season. Additionally, however, there are the trappings of Christmas that have become traditions down through the centuries that I would like to improve at least in my own life. It has helped in recent years to put up a tree with Jeremy (as we hope to do tonight), and to send off Christmas cards. I also want to enjoy simple things like looking at Christmas lights at houses at night and listening to Christmas music. I have favorite Christmas album staples that I listen to every year. And it would not be Christmas without them:





I plan to continue my musings and pursuits in an attempt to offset my usual and current holiday malaise. I will keep you posted on how I progress.

Happy Halloween/ John Keats's Birthday!

While I don't have any particular plans, I am still very much a fan of this holiday. It all started with my "religious" watching of It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and usually Garfield's Halloween Special.

Some people might be shocked to find that I am a Christian and still an avid fan. To this I would say that is a lack of understanding on their part. Yes, there is quite a bit of darkness surrounding it, but there is also a lot of really interesting tradition. And being of Scotch-Irish (i.e. Celtic) origins myself, I have always been fascinated to learn more about All-Hallow's Eve and Samhain. From what I can gather in the research I had done for a paper on the Origins of Holidays and picking my very intelligent boyfriend's brain, Halloween was once a holiday that originated among Celtic people. It was a day and night that most people believed that the spirit world was alive and spirits and fairies would traverse the world looking for people to haunt or steal.

It was for this reason, that people began dressing up, to "confuse the spirits." And therefore to avoid being stolen. I remember three years ago when I discovered this fact accidentally when my boyfriend suggested we dress up my cat so that the fairies would not steal her. :)

I believe that there are different times when the spirit world is active and that there are also Satanic forces at work at those times, so it is important for me to be aware, that there is a darkness present at those times. However, I believed that God is powerful enough to protect me during those times, and that as long as I do not seek them out, I think that fun can definitely had, and I for one am not opposed to confusing evil spirits.

Also, this Holiday was important in the Church in historic times as it preceded All Saints Day which at one time was a very important Christian Holiday that was connected to All Hallows Eve, in a kind of purging of the evil spirits of the previous day.

Another important fact about Halloween, is that it is John Keats's Birthday, as my love told me also on the first Halloween that we were together. As Keats is his favorite poet, i cannot think of a reason not to celebrate the day.

All this to say, I am definitely not for Satanic celebrations on Halloween ever. But in reality, I do not think that are what its origins were dictating.

Plus, a day and a holiday is far more about what you bring to it. There is darkness in it, but there is also light. Every day is a day that God made, including this one.

P.S. In my experience growing up, remember a lot more other holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas that were full of evil spirits of families quarreling and other problems, that I just don't remember about Halloween.

Partly cloudy with a chance of rain...or wasting time at otherlands that should be spent studying

Today I decided to go to Otherlands, one of my favorite local coffee shop haunts.


I like Otherlands for many reasons, but where else are you going to be able to drink out of a Jim Lehrer mug? Is this show still on? I remember the Mcneil/Lehrer News Report being on when I was 8.



These are the boots that Jeremy helped me pick out yesterday at Target. Yesterday was my birthday so we went to a movie, but before that we went in search of pretties to buy. I am surprised at the number of people who have commented on these boots today. I put them on because it was raining this morning, and I don't like getting wet on cool days like this. So here they are. It is very dry out now but I have gotten used to them so they are still on my feet.


Another thing i like about Otherlands is that they support local art and local causes. They usually have a local art exhibition, but this afternoon I noticed that it was a collection of photographs of the Zippin Pippin. The ride made famous by Elvis Presley's love for it. We (I mean Memphis as a city) are in the process of trying to sell it to Green Bay. I hope they get it. If we refuse to enjoy having things like this in our fair city, it would be nice to know that someone else at least is. In the mean time if all we have left are these beautiful photographs that someone at least thought to take, and our memories, I guess that will be enough (it has to be, right?).

Here is a view of my lovely computer on which I am trying to decide which pictures are clear enough to use for my post.

I love this tile in the back hallway.


(do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a photograph of myself that i do not loathe?) I am looking particularly nonplussed in this picture because i am trying not to overhear the conversation between the two ladies behind me about the decor in their midtown antique shop. On top of this, I am trying not to appear like I am taking my own picture with my camera phone in public, which is exactly what I am doing and had to continue doing to figure out that this one turned out the best anyway. Note to self: Visit Toad Hall Antiques.


This is the view from my favorite table in the restaurant. It is so big and nice, but I felt guilty sitting at it by myself today so I moved. There are 1,2,3...6 chairs at that table. Now there is a 5 top sitting there, so balance has been brought back to the force.


Another pic of me. I like this angle because I look less jowly. I am still trying to lose weight, but oh well. See my other blog if you are interested in that story. I will be posting there soon. Its not lying if I show you and tell you, right?


Here is a view of the restaurant. Ah...Yeah...I dont know any of these people.



When did they get this sign? WHEN DID THEY GET THIS SIGN? It is sad the things i see on a regular basis and yet do not notice.


I hope you enjoyed my visit. Maybe come with me next time. Or go visit your Otherlands, in your city.

My love

This man makes me incredibly happy... Just so you know.